NOW WHAT??? 🗺️ 🧭 👩🏻‍💻

"I have no idea what I'm doing but dammit....I'm gonna do it anyway!!" - Kristi Keller, Wildhood Wanted

There’s something about being in uncharted territory that is both exhilarating and terrifying.

You take a leap and you realize, “Wow! That wasn’t so bad! It was actually kind of fun!”

And then you realize you’re so much further away from where you started and…. NOW WHAT??????

Stop? Or keep going? 🤔

Somebody gave you a map, kind of. One that worked for them and apparently worked for oh-so-many other people. And you can read the map. You’re just not quite sure how to orient it to the country you now find yourself in.

(In case you haven’t guessed, I am in the next phase of my project, They’re Not Just Dogs.)

Now the choice.

Turtle up? Stop trying? Stop working? Or do it even though you have NO idea what you’re doing? Do it even if you think it sucks?

Meanwhile, you’re sitting on the couch in front of your laptop with a beautiful video on loop of a forest stream with soothing music playing over it and suddenly you think, “Somebody thought this (*gestures toward screen*) was a good idea. Who. IN. THE. WORLD. would have thought this was a good idea??? What person took video — or worse, AI generated images — and put music to it and thought, ‘People will LOVE this!’”

And here I sit, on exactly that couch, with exactly that video, thinking MY idea has no merit and just plain sucks, yet somehow there was a market for THAT! (*screen again*).

I don’t mean to belittle someone else’s work, and clearly, it’s a good concept because here I sit watching it on my TV screen.

So why should I judge my own idea so harshly? Did whoever made this video judge their idea harshly? Did they get it 100% perfect the first time? (I’m not really sure I want to know the answer to that.)

Photo by Srinivasan Venkataraman on Unsplash - Yeah, it pretty much looked like this.

It’s easy to judge yourself harshly when you’re certain you can do it so much better than you feel like you’re capable of in the present moment. You know there’s something great inside you. You know it’s beautiful and wonderful and truly represents who you are.

The problem is it’s buried underneath a mountain of crap made almost completely of self-doubt, definitely reinforced with generational trauma, and most probably topped with at least a dozen items of clothing you know you’ll never fit into again but you keep around because, you know, you might lose that weight and be able to wear them again.

It makes no logical sense and you still can’t let it go.

Because, if you did, then who would you be?

You’d be someone you never met before. You’d be someone who’s doing the things you’re terrified of doing right now.

Stop? Or keep going?

It’s moments like these where I’m reminded of a quote from the brilliant and talented writer, Laura Belgray*:

“Doing something half-assed is a whole buttcheek better than not doing it at all.”

That is exactly why I’m mowing down “analysis paralysis” with my fantasy Aston Martin DB12** and forging ahead to do the thing.

I’m terrified AND I’m not stopping. Both/And again.

I have no idea what I’m doing (Have I mentioned that?) and I recognize I never will UNTIL. I. DO. IT.

Do SOMETHING.

Even if you know you can do better, you show up and do the best you can right now.

Leap. It might feel like falling at first. Eventually, you’ll realize you’re flying.

Photo by freestocks on Unsplash

* I mean, Laura Fucking Belgray. 😉

** I don’t need to own one. I just want to drive one. 🤭