Did I do this?
🥴
You know that weird, ugh-y, uncomfortable feeling in your gut when you realize something’s going wrong and it occurs to you that you’re the reason why? Ick.
I think the only thing worse is watching something go wrong, and having no clue it’s your fault while everyone else does know it’s your fault.
Because you look like a moron, you know? And you don’t know it! Once you figure it out, you feel dumb because now it’s obvious, like body odor and bad breath. You can’t unsee (unsmell?) it now. And you wonder, “Why didn’t anyone tell me??”
And it’s the right question to ask.
There it was!
The closest I ever came to seeing a leader get it was in a meeting a few months ago.
One project manager who was exceptionally good at the technical aspects of the work, but had frankly weaponized incompetence on all the administrative aspects of it, was never encouraged, trained, taught, or held accountable for learning and improving that area of weakness (or “opportunity” in corporate speak). It made situations more difficult for everyone around him, including his bosses, but nothing changed.
So when they recently realized he was fumbling the renewal of a contract, it finally dawned on them.
“Did we do this?”
It stunned me into silence, even though my mind was screaming, “YES!!! Yes, you f*#&@^g did this!!! Twenty odd years of never holding this dude accountable, or giving him the resources and follow-up he needed, and you’re surprised??????”
But I said nothing. We used to preach about “open and honest communication”. But when it got uncomfortable, then 🦗 🦗 🦗 🦗. What good is that?
Here’s the kicker. More than one person in the organization — hell, on the leadership team itself — had seen and said something around what was happening for years. Never coming right out with it, though. Being just vague enough to ease their own discomfort while not being the cause of discomfort for anyone else.
Partners were too afraid they’d upset this guy, so no one said anything until they couldn’t cover for his deficiencies anymore. Now that they were former owners, they were accountable to other people, and too loaded up with their own work to pick up the slack on him.
The pattern kept repeating until it became inconvenient for them to continue it. And the worst part is I still don’t think anything’s changed.
Why didn’t anyone tell you?
Speaking as someone who sometimes knew and didn’t say anything, AND as someone who didn’t know and wondered why no one told me, I’m going to throw this out there:
No one told you for the same reason you didn’t see it.
Because you didn’t let them. You either shut them down directly or otherwise made it obvious that questioning you wasn’t one of the choices. I remember living that nightmare more than once, as both the victim and the perpetrator. I can’t describe how much I regret it.
You create the environment that determines what truth can reach you. When intelligent, confident, and established leaders make decisions, we don’t typically like when people question us.
When the evidence is right there, but it doesn’t fit our narrative, it almost never hits for what it really is: a flashing neon sign in horribly clashing colors of orange and hot pink, telling us something is going sideways. Because when you’re trained to be a confident leader, questioning your decisions out loud looks like weakness. But doing exactly that opens all the doors and windows for fresh ideas and opinions to come in, and establishes that you’re someone who’s open to hearing what’s uncomfortable when you need to.
When you’ve already created an atmosphere where no one feels safe telling you uncomfortable truths, that doesn’t happen. The very thing you need is the very thing you make sure doesn’t have the environment to grow. You shut the doors and windows and send the message that you’re closed. The more accomplished you are, the less you’re willing to entertain being wrong.
And everyone suffers for it.
When you think you know better because of your experience and achievements, you really screw it up for everybody. You don’t know what you don’t know, and there’s always something you don’t know. Reconsidering your position requires humility and willingness, and more than a little courage.
The bravest thing you can be is willing to be wrong. Right now, that looks like asking myself what truth isn’t reaching me now? And how did I create the environment, purposely or not, where I’ve made sure it doesn’t?
So true..weak leaders are those who aren’t willing to surround themselves by people smarter than them..who might actually resolve issues and keep the ball moving forward-weak leaders are comfortable with the status quo.