How to Fix Your Life in 3 Simple Steps š£ āµ
Please Notice I Didnāt Say 3 EASY Steps (Not part of the Fun Experiment Series)
My current working theory is that life and writing are a lot alike. (I know. Groundbreaking, right? š)
Seriously, though.
We make both of them harder than they have to be.
Overthinking. Overcomplicating. Procrastinating. Stalling.
And the whole time weāre doing that, the universe is listening. Every thought is energy we release into the space around us, creating even more of everything weāve been complaining about. Crazy.
What if, instead of continuing this cycle, we actually did things that create change in our lives? Imagine if, instead of constantly banging our heads against the same obstacles repeatedly, we chose a different path.
Raise your hand if youāve spent longer than a nanosecond thinking, āI know Iām meant to be doing something, so much more with my life if I only knew what it is.ā Yeah, me, too.
So many of us are walking around like weāre extras in a docudrama about therapeutic shoe manufacturing, thinking itās very important that we look like we know what weāre doing when the reality is weāre all still trying to figure it out. We spend ridiculous amounts of time wondering what we should be doing instead of doing something to help ourselves figure it out or ā Quick! Get the fainting couch! ā actually accomplish it.
Finding myself stuck in this exact cycle, my coach recommended the book, The Tools, by Phil Stutz and Barry Michels. I havenāt finished it yet, mostly because Iām trying to. Absorb. Every. Last. Word. Itās THAT good.
When I found out Jonah Hill had made a documentary about his therapist, Phil Stutz, that was airing on Netflix, I figured, yeah, this is definitely something I want to see. I thought it would be an opportunity to hear Phil Stutz talk about The Tools and get an ever greater understanding of them.
I was wrong. It was SO much more.
Life Force
If you canāt spare an hour and a half to watch the whole thing, at least watch the first part. This is where he introduces a concept he calls our Life Force. And this is NOT in the book. (It may be one of the few times the book wasnāt necessarily better than the movie.)
If you want to figure out what your purpose is in life, work on your Life Force.
If you know thereās something more youāre meant to do but you donāt know what it is, work on your Life Force.
Work on your Life Force, and it all comes together, according to Stutz.
The Life Force pyramid has three levels:
relationship to your body
relationship to others
relationship to yourself
If you work on these three things, in this order, everything else falls into place, according to Stutz.
Iām inclined to agree.
Below is a photo of the Life Force pyramid from the documentary:
Level One
Jonah Hill asks Stutz what percentage of improvement people find by working on their physical health, the first level of the Life Force Pyramid. Stutzās answer: 85%.
85% improvement in your life by exercising, practicing good nutrition, and getting enough sleep.
Thatās bonkers.
Itās also true. I decided to put it to the test and started exercising. Nothing crazy, not pushing myself. Just physical activities that I enjoy.
Now because Iām a little masochistic, I enjoy running. Not too hard, mind you. But I started with a program called None 2 Run. Itās a progressive program, starting with alternating walking & running. Itās a 12-week program with a very supportive online community. Highly recommend.
Anywayā¦
When I come back from one of these sessions, I am a different person. Itās almost like I find myself when Iām out running. My mind is clearer. The anxiety and depression have lifted. I feel stronger, physically, emotionally, and psychologically. I feel calmer and that follows me throughout the rest of my day.
For the record, I donāt exercise to fit into my jeans from high school, mostly because that would be embarrassing and monumentally stupid. (And nobody wears Sasson jeans anymore. Do they even make them anymore?)
I do it for my mental health. The alteration of the bodyās chemistry after exercise has been studied for decades and the result is always the same. Exercise is beneficial for mental health.
Itās also a signal to my brain and body ā and the universe ā that Iām worth caring for. Iām strong. Iām capable. Iām not an imposter. Look what I can do! Iām capable of making good decisions. I deserve to take care of myself.
This is a ground-breaking concept, especially when most of the time Iām stuck in my own head, worrying about what other people think of me, and how will I ever find my happiness or purpose or what Iām supposed to be doing with my life, not to mention what Iām going to have for lunch, where the hell did I leave my phone, and what did I come in this room for?
Step one: Your relationship to your body. Good stuff. Not hard.
Level Two
The second step is our relationship to other people.
This has traditionally been more challenging for me. Making friends did not come easy for me as a child. Talking with people has never come easily for me. In my case, Iāve learned if I can find something I have in common with others, itās much easier.
Making friends was usually accomplished as an adult through common events or interests: other parents at school when my kids were growing up. Or other crazy dog owners. Or other singers. Or spirituality.
It doesnāt really matter how you do it, though. The key is to be the one to reach out first, to take the initiative. You canāt wait for someone else to do it.
When we lose touch with the other people around us, we usually donāt just fall off the face of the earth. Itās much more subtle. Stutz describes it like a ship sailing off into the distance, further and further away from shore. Iāve never heard a better description of this phenomenon.
So it doesnāt matter whether you find someone interesting or not. Reach out. Make a plan to meet for coffee. It doesnāt have to be a lot. It just has to be something.
Level Three
And the last piece of the pyramid is your relationship with yourself.
Finally. My wheelhouse. Which isnāt necessarily a good thing.
I can spend way too much time getting lost in my own thoughts. Basically, my brain can be a real asshole sometimes so itās important to understand whatās real and true and whatās not.
To sort that out, Stutz recommends journaling. Itās the best way to access our unconscious and to get to know ourselves, especially when youāre the type to get lost in your own beliefs and judgments. (Present! šš»āāļø)
Whenever we judge something, if we ask ourselves, āIs this true?ā we start seeing our lives differently. We begin to recognize that what we believe is someone else, is actually us.
The key here is to ask the question of not just the thoughts that trouble us and cause us suffering. We need to ask them about the thoughts that are flattering to us, the ones that make us feel better about ourselves, as well.
Leave space
Focusing on the three parts of our Life Force eliminates wasted energy and opens up space for what is meant for us. It also puts us in the best position to receive it. It sends the energy into the universe that you value yourself, attracting more of what you value and want.
TL;DR:
Go to Netflix
Watch the documentary āStutzā by Jonah Hill
Do what Phil Stutz says
Thatās it. No bullshit.
XOXOXO
Thanks for the Netflix recommendation and it's nice to see you back. I'd been wondering where you disappeared to š
This was wonderful, Jen. Iām always stuck in my own head and need to break out. Thank you for sharing!